Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
