The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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