and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
