I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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