my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
