his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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