my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
