Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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