White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
