I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
