I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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