im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
