Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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