it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
