Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
