we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize