the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
