I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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