i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
