I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
