Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
