he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
