AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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