dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
