I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
