at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
