You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
