i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
