"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
