You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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