what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
