you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
