The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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