I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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