I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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