I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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