i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
