He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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