And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"