Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
