I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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