i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
