so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
