Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
