I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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