i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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