Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
