After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
