Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Drunk is not a location!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
