I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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