Umm I'm too high to move.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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