if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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