Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
