It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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