she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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