even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
God gave him joint rollers for hands
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
