im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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