Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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