I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
