2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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