Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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