I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
