the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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