all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
