So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
