we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
