I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
