Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
