You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
