I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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