The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
